NEW YORK, NY — In a brilliant display of religious freedom, the Christian community has rallied together to raise the funds to build a nondenominational christian center for worship and fitness completely surrounding the controversial “Ground Zero Mosque”.
“In essence, the mosque will be swallowed whole by our church,” said Reverend Michael Evans. “It will be 100 percent inside the christian center, without any access to the outside, except the network of underground tunnels that I’m almost certain the terrorist Muslims will have built beneath their building.”
“It’s going to be totally awesome,” the Reverend added.
However, the totally awesome church plans are not coming without criticism. The Left and most media outlets have been quick to speak out against the Christian churches behind the construction plans, explaining fervently that separation of church and state was only meant to control and destroy the evil cross-loving Jesus freaks who’ve had it good for far too long.
“We need to protect these tiny, itty-bitty minority religions like the Islamic faith,” said Andy Douglas, 34-year old professor of open-mindedness and tolerance. “What have the Christians done for us lately? The Crusades? Yeah, that’s what I thought.”
“Crosses, nativity scenes, and Christmas trees are offensive,” Douglas continued. “They offend me so hard.”
“These mosque protesters are all white, right-wing fear-mongering, stereotyping haters,” said Julia Bonner, 23-year-old liberal and good person. “I hate them all. They are all racist, clear as day. Amendment number one, freedom of religion. What gives these nuts the right to protest? Huh?”
Bonner added, “I’m a good person; I voted democrat.”
The White House released a statement early Friday morning, weighing in on the debate: “Oh, uh….ehhhhh. Er, well. Uh. What’s that now?”
According to the Christians, they want to begin construction as soon as possible in an attempt to make the Mosque construction a “real pain in the ass for the terrorists.” However, plans were quickly halted when what looks like the construction of a Jewish Synagogue around where the Christians planned to build their church sprung up over night.
“Neener neener,” said project director Rabbi Shlomo Kaplowitz. “Where’s your savior now?”
P@H
Rand Manly
Digby Delbert Dinglepott
Here’s one modest solution to the Ground Zero mosque:
http://middleofthefreakinroad.com/2010/09/02/ground-zero-mosque-muslim-internment-camps/
I think someone (a politician?) should introduce a tax bill on the building(s). It would bring any construction to a screeching HALT! It would also shift the blame for all this Cr*p back where it belongs. Another possible solution…give them the bottom eleven floors of the UN building, bring in a couple of the contestants who got booted off one of those TV designer shows to do all the UN mosque makeover and have a “great reveal” show to be aired exclusively on Al-Jaharwa TV.