COLUMBUS, OH — In the heart of the Midwest late Wednesday (a school night!) during her I’m a Big Girl Now, I’ll Do What I Want tour, teen pop sensation Miley Cyrus (aka Hannah Montana) experienced on-stage technical difficulties when the sound system’s auto-tune cut out mid-song. What the audience heard when the system malfunctioned was eructation.
That’s right. She was belching.
“I don’t want to say I was overly shocked,” said Brittany Jonkers, 15, who was in the audience last night. “Because she didn’t sound all that different without the auto-tune. But you could definitely tell she was burping.”
After the song finished, the young Miley dashed off stage but returned to finish the set, belching her way through three encores. According to sources, she did not leave the stage in a panic but simply had to chug a few root beers to continue her performance.
This controversial malfunction, though handled beautifully by the child star, is just one of many for pop stars in the age of technology, like Ashley Simpsons’ SNL slip-up or when Fall Out Boy admitted that they were really really bad and that people really shouldn’t like them at all. Or like when it was discovered the Jonas Brothers’ instruments were made of papier-mache and the brothers themselves were cardboard cutouts.
Despite the burping faux pas, critics do not foresee any ill-affects for Miley’s career.
“If anything she will be loved even more,” said John Averly, 47, who’s wasted his life as an entertainment reporter.”I mean, when we found out Lady Gaga was really a shaved orangutan, no one seemed to care. Why would this affect Miley at all? It’s not like we care about their music anyway.”
Miley will continue her tour, though her father, the incomparable achy breaky Billy Ray, has not commented on whether or not she will resort back to auto-tune or finish the season belching her mediocre songs, unaltered.
In other news: Fall Out Boy sucks.
P@H
Rand Manly
Digby Delbert Dinglepott
