About

Hello, my babies.

I am Peter Alan Herbert, and if you are reading this then that means you are quite bored. I am a wannabe writer who isn’t so much seeking your approval or reassurance, but instead hoping one of you reading this is or knows a publisher or agent. This whole “blog” thing is just a backup plan for the unlikely event I do not meet, seduce, and marry the daughter of some wealthy publishing company owner.

I am the progeny of John and Diane Herbert – whom are the single greatest parents on this here improbably-life-filled rock tumbling through space…and I really resent them for it. I have experienced little to no pain and therefore my writing suffers. Artists who come from good families make bad art, so I am forced to make it up. Goddamn parents and their love – most children, these days, are luckier than I.

I am the youngest of five boys, so any psychiatrists reading this (first I must say: stop reading poppy-cock drivel and help people, dang blast it!) feel free to psychoanalyze me and my style based on that little nugget of truth. Also, my brothers are all ubiquitously more successful than I am or may ever be. My two eldest bros, Joe and Dave, were recently million-dollar-winners for a superb Super Bowl commercial – and guests on the Jay Leno Show. My brother, Matt, whom I live with currently, is an animator and Assistant Director for the cult-classic television series The Simpsons. And the brother who is just a wee few years older than myself, Josh, is a brave soldier of the United States Army, already serving two tours in Iraq – whereas I am afraid of anything that goes bang.

I grew up in Indiana, went to school in Tennessee and now live in Los Angeles, CA – which has nice weather. And that’s all I have to say about that.

So far I have worked as a video game tester, an assistant baseball coach, a humor columnist, a sports writer, a baseball park grounds crewman, a sports complex manager, a high school substitute teacher, a construction worker, and a pizzeria cook/waiter. I am currently working as an Ad Operation Specialist, spending my days editing ads, spearheading advertising campaigns, writing web content and company blogs, and trying to figure out for what I actually get paid.

I am more passionate about prose and want to be a novelist, though most people seem to enjoy my poetry more (I am suspicious, however, that this is the case simply because it is shorter). You can always check out what I am currently working on under my In the Works section. I am always working on any number of things, some of which may even get finished. I also wrote a commercial, which my brothers directed for Shasta Soda – airing in many markets across the country.

Thanks for stopping by – and remember to please always take off your shoes and pants before entering. Read some shit, leave some comments, tell your friends – tell your rich, publishing friends – and do whatever else it is people do on blog sites.

Yours Forever,

Peter Alan Herbert

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Turn-ons: Fire-breathing, Warm weather, Back massages, High-fives, Smiles, Laughter, Passion, Exercise, Sports (just kidding), boy shorts and panties in general.

Turn-offs: Cold weather, Serious people, Ebola, Getting eaten by a dinosaur, shopping, X games, pina coladas and/or getting caught in the rain.

Deepest Fears: Losing a loved one, fish hooks, never making it.