ONTARIO, CANADA —In a freak accident late Tuesday night, Canada, the large land mass found to the North of the United States, sustained major injuries and was in critical condition until early this morning when the country’s status was reduce to serious. Continue reading
GREAT FALLS, MT—On the fifth day of the fifth month of the year, May 5, today, the entire country joins together in drinking, dancing, and drinking to celebrate the holiday Cinco de Mayo for some significant reason or another, certainly, the country thinks. Continue reading
CHICAGO, IL—Millions of wheelchair-laden and crutch-clad Americans are voicing their anger about all the other more healthy and normal people’s blatant and flagrant display of discriminatory standing and walking, as if it weren’t a big deal. Continue reading
LOS ANGELES, CA — Early Thursday morning Fox Broadcasting Company filed a 200-million-dollar lawsuit against the Fox Broadcasting Company for copyright infringement, saying that “The Cleveland Show is just a crappy knock-off clone of American Dad!, which is just a crappy knock-off clone of Family Guy, which has gotten pretty crappy itself.” Continue reading
Posted in The Headline News: with Digby Delbert Dinglepott
Tagged entertainment, fake news, in brief
LOS ANGELES, CA—In a recent interview published in the March edition of People Magazine, the Gays strongly urged Clay Aiken to “please, for the love of god, get back into the gosh darn closet.” Continue reading
Men: "What is the first thing you notice on a woman?"
NEW YORK, NY — A new extensive study coming from the Cosmopolitan Magazine R&D department has turned conventional mating rituals on its head, showing conclusively that the first thing men notice about women — which for years has been a a debate between eyes or breasts — is in fact that really friggin’ ginormous hunchback. Continue reading
SAN DIEGO, CA — The country is up-in-arms over a recent and tragic death of a monkey trainer at the new Tree-World exhibit called “Wild Animals That Kill Shit”, demanding that the park be closed for this totally unexpected and unprovoked animal attack. The species of monkey, which for years has been known by the playful sobriquet Killer Murder Monkey, is generally renown for its gentle and docile manner, but the wild animal surprisingly showed a great amount of wild beast-like animosity, without any warning. Continue reading
WASHINGTON DC –President Obama’s flagship thus far in his presidency has undoubtedly been the overwhelming success and support of the No Cheez-It Left Behind initiative, which, among other things, increased the Five-Second Rule concerning dropped foodstuffs to a whopping Eight-Seconds. Continue reading
P@H
Rand Manly
Digby Delbert Dinglepott